The Blog
The Cart of Dharma
In love addiction, we can spend lots of time in a special kind of self-doubt. Instead of feeling confident enough to make decisions for ourselves, we look for guidance out there--often from those we have on pedestals--while undervaluing our own worth and the validity of our inner compass.
Painting the Kitchen (And Other Ways To Avoid Reality)
Did I have food on the table and a roof over my head? Yes. Was I functional? No. But reminding myself daily that I had so much and should be grateful for what I had only contributed to the shame that came with the misery that led to the avoidance and the growing dysfunction.
Mötley Crüe and Peach Schnapps Made Me Do It
This time I snuck out of the house in broad daylight, arranging for that boyfriend to pick me up at the bottom of a hill on the aforementioned country highway on which we lived. I thought I was so clever; telling Mom that I was Just gonna go say Hi to the neighbors across the road real quick - which I'd never done before because I hardly knew them - and thinking she wasn't onto me. But she was.
Broken Arms and Yo-yos
I can recall the pain of these obsessive thoughts and the continued irrational hope for repairing something so malignant. It's difficult to read today, but at least I now have the benefit of understanding WHY I was stuck in this mental loop…